Confession #7 - The Demons Within...

Wow... It's been awhile since I've confessed.

I haven't had the need to.  Love and sex have been amazing with the Lady.  Not saying things are bad at the moment...just lusty.

I don't understand how a well known, respectful, church going and charitable guy can have this dark animal lingering inside, controlling my thoughts.

So, I come here to confess...

Tonight it begins like this: in search of the parTy

You can figure out what kind of responses came my way.  The most intriguing from: leangymnast@yahoo.com

He writes:

-I'm in Hollywood
and gotta say that's the most compelling ad
i've ever seen on this site, but don't know if
i should be reading between the lines or just
take it literally
don't have aloT but it's kickass so Talk to me

I'm 5' 9" 145 lean, muscular, vers/top, artist
workin late renovating my studio in the Hollywood ghetto.

Send whatever u want to send i guess

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-although these are real internet pics - these are not his actual pics-

I reply:

Thanks...but here it is..in all honesty...
I love to get freaky...but it's all about business... i got shit to get done and not enough hours in the day... i got cash... and that's it...not a cop...just a dude in love with his girl trying to get taxes and work done...

if ya can help out cool...

if not...

good luck...

have fun...

and be safe...

http://deviant7-confessions.blogspot.com/

it's my confession... i created it...

and this is how it goes...

wow,,
u wanna give me a call?
xxx-xxx-xxxx

Anywayz, i'm an artist here, currently renovating my studio here in the
Hollywood ghetto, and i gotta say your Blog is really like art imitating life,,,,
or is it the other way around?? either way, you got my attention.

I'm not the type of person that would make someone compromise their values on
any level so if u wanna come by, get some to keep ya going cool,, if u wanna
hang,, that's cool,, especially if that's yur bod in the pic on your ad.

You said jump and i asked how high? so hit me back if u want.


Thanks...that is my bod in the pic...no lies here...don't have time... I happened to txt an old buddy of mine..actually...the guy who introduced to me the demons within...( my next blog...working on it now..) after a long break just happened to get hooked up an hour before i txt'd him - crazy how the world works...

I do appreciate the words on my confessions...and that is my intention...experiencing life as art....

how's the night going... did ya score... cause i have to admit... I'm awake.

Well,, let me put it this way,, Most of the guys in CyberHomoWorld
are Narcissistic individuals with way too much self esteem and afraid
of their own shadows. Not that I'm becoming bitter or jaded mind you,
but as a seeker of truth, i'm just stating the facts,, i wonder if my ex-wife
will consider taking me back. hmmm.. oh well HA!

and NO i didn't score,, up high and friggin horny as fuck,,, and you?

Well I scored my wake-up call...and that's what I was looking for... yeah...I'm horny as fuck...on a normal night I would go to my room and fuck, make passionate love to my fiance...but it's not a normal night...she got the flu and his been in bed the past 3 days...the first time she's been really sick in our relationship...usually were fuckin' every day...because of work and responsibilities we were already a couple days behind then she got sick... it's been almost a week... I know- I'm spoiled...but the mind wanders ya know...

so i came to confess...

Hey,,
so you're a very interesting cat and i'm up, and i guess this
would be a good time to go into my studio and make some new art, but would
be up for hangin if u wanna come over, but u gotta clarify
the boundaries so i don't go steppin where i shouldn't or is that the idea?
and hey,, yes i was married of 7 years,, just to complicate the story a bit

I love that it was 7 years... powerful # - I hope you two remain in each other's lives.

In regards to your offer...Sounds amazing... I love to be around artists while they create... I feel like I am a part of time that will always be remembered.

as tempting as it may sound... I have my responsibilities to attend to....

maybe one-day a master piece will be created...

----

And so here I am...Playing with the demons within.

Confession #6 - Making Money...

I'm possibly considering blowing a load or two for money?  Is this bad?  In a time where the economy is a complete mess...Do I become one too?  Do blow a load and make a few hundred?  

I sit here and watch porn...Why not make some- Right?

Confession #5 - The Guilt...

Why do I feel so guilty?  Like I'm doing something wrong, thinking about the things I think about, watching this debauchery.  I guess, it's because something tells me I could be doing more right now.  Something more worthwhile.  Something to better myself or the world around me.  Volunteer time or something.  But instead, I'm here stoned off my ass watching this:


Cock and Finger Fuck - Skeezy

What a way to spend my lunch break, eh?  With cock in my hand as the rest of the world functions properly.  

Crazy thing is...Is, I'm crazy in LOVE with my girl.  Our sex has been out-of control HOT! lately as well...So why the fuck! am I thinking about shit like this?  

Please tell me?  I'd like to know.  Any comment's would be appreciated.  Sometimes I feel like I'm just talking to a screen here...Ya know what I mean?

But to be honest, I'd rather be here instead of in some other dudes place bending him over the dining room table while the wife's away.

Here is the question?  Does the thoughts count as cheating?  

Confession #4 - I have a secret boyfriend...

Yeah...I know, I keep saying I'm committed, and I am.  But every now and then...I just have to get it! You know? 

She knows about it him.  In fact, she sometimes encourages me to see him.  The thing is, she's him.  She's the secret lover.  She just straps it on and does me good.

Confession #3 - Examining the source of my Curiosity

Naturally, after creating this blog, I did a posting on craigslist: Jock Bi guy looking for Friends not looking to hook-up, but to find others in the same situation and interested in sharing their stories and experiences.  

What I got was a mailbox full of stuff like this:

Fuckin hot bod stud...into/lkg

From: ruffstudla@aol.com

& 

25 hottie 5'11 - 160, brbr, great shape here: from cyermanos@msn.com

Liked the posting.  Here's mine, let me know you're into anything...

Looking for sometime tonight.... VGL here....

If you like what you see... Hit them up!

Personally, I'm not looking.  I'm just here examining the source of my curiosity and asking you to sare your experiences, fantasies, and desires as a bi-man in a committed and honest relationship.

Confession #2 - Craigslist

How did it all happen?

I guess like this...

Next thing you know I find Craigslist - M4M - craigslist | personals

The not so secret, secret place I go to as a bi boy to unlock the curiosity that dwells inside...

ANY STR8/Bi dudes can host a discreet cocksucker?

Damn!  This is gross!  But kind-of hot...

The more I surf, the more I discovered...I'm not alone...

Got this in my Hand, I'm Str8 Looking to try something new

It's interesting to discover posts like this one below although I can understand how and why it happens.   

~MARRIED, HAIRY HOLE NEEDS ATTENTION~ HOSTING

I guess, that's why I'm here now.  So I can avoid getting into a situation where I have to hide.   Or do something like this:

BIG STR8 COCK 4 SUCKIN

Do you think his girlfriend's aware he's blowing loads for cash.  "Hey honey, I want a new pair of shoes, get online and get some dude to suck your fat cock." 

It all starts somewhere.   

My first experience with a dude was with a guy I met online.  We exchanged e-mails, chatted via instant messaging and had several hot phone sessions for months before we actually met up. Finally, when we did, my whole world changed.  It was REAL...I got turned on by a guy!  Fuck!  

Then I started watching stuff like this...

It's what I just used to blow load...

As I was browsing the one of my favorite free sites...I stumbled upon this fun video...

Cool thing is, I've done this before.  I fucked my college housemate in the ass as he gave it hard to this chick one night...We were drunk.  

Since then, I've always wondered what it would be like to be in the middle like that... 

In all reality, this is what I'll be doing here soon when my lady get's home from work.

Not a bad thing at all.  I LOVE it!  But doesn't mean I've stopped thinking about men fucking men.  

I'm not here on the DL trying to hook up with guys.  I'm just here filling these thoughts in my mind with virtual reality.

Confession #1 - Today

I guess it all starts here.

I'm using company time to create a blog site about my sexual deviancy.

Deviance: Look it up.  

Basically, if I wasn't here now, I would be surfing the net for good jerk off material.  Every guy does it, Right? Might as well be redirecting that energy.  

I went to XTube for my DL motivation.   

But this is a confession.  I'm just trying to live an honest life.  

Better go before I get caught.

Bless Me Father For I Have Sinned

It's been awhile since I've done this.  You know?  Tell someone my sins.  I can't remember the last time.  Why I'm here now, is cause I got a sin inside of me I just have to let out.

I'm attracted to guys.  

Don't get me wrong.  I love my girl.  I'm going to marry her one day.  I'm not a cheater.  I will honer and respect her until the day I die.  

So I'm here to let it all out. To let my fantasies play in a world where virtual is reality.  

These are my confessions.